Tag Archives: feelings

Friday Feelings with Pain Pals Blog

Hey there, hi there, ho there!

As it is Ehlers Danlos Syndrome Awareness Month, during the course of May, we will be reading the diary entries of EDS sufferers. Each person experiences their illness differently and I think it will be interesting to see these differences throughout the month.

This week I spoke to Claire from Pain Pals Blog. The mum of two previously worked in health care but medically retired nine years ago. She now works in the education system and enjoys Spoonie friendly hobbies.

Claire was diagnosed with hypermobile EDS at 42. She also suffers from migraines; dysautonomia/POTS, chronic nerve pain, gut problems, Raynauds, neurogenic
bladder and reactive depression. You can find Claire on Twitter, Pinterest and Instagram. 
EDS - Claire pic 

“Hi, I’m Claire. I am a married mum of 2 boys aged 21 and 18, and a girl aged 14 living on borders of South London & Surrey, UK. My career was nursing and I trained and worked in various London hospitals, and then worked as a palliative care nurse in a local hospice – a fantastic, rewarding job that I loved. I was medically retired 9 years ago when my back gave up on me. Now I am kept busy with the family (more needy as young adults than they were as toddlers). 

I am a school governor at a local primary school, and I am about to become Chair of my old school’s friends’ committee. We keep old pupils in touch as well as arranging careers events for current pupils. I love meeting new people and interacting with the pupils at both schools. I love reading and belong to several book clubs, posting reviews on the blog, and when I can get there I love the cinema and streamed theatre live events.”

So now that we know a little about Claire, let’s have a read of her Friday Feelings entry.

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“Dear Diary,

It’s Friday, many people will go out tonight for a few sociable drinks with their friends. On a typical Friday night I will usually be found curled up in my PJs! How much of the evening meal I help with really depends upon what sort of day I have had and how fatigued I am. These days my hubby, Duncan is based at home with me, and in theory the kids can take over the kitchen duties but, it is usually like Piccadilly Circus as they come and go, leaving us to keep pace with who is eating or not! Some weeks I will try to join in with Spoonie Speak – a chat set up on Twitter for those of us who can’t go out, but like a chat in our PJs. Like lots of spoonies Netflix, Amazon & TV play a big part in my life but, this week I am actually going out on Friday for the leaving dinner of the current Chair of the friends committee.

I really want to go but do get a bit anxious about making arrangements in case I have a bad day, can’t go and let others down. Not to mention missing out.

My physical health has really deteriorated recently and since having a spinal cord stimulator implanted for the chronic pain, my POTS symptoms have really gone mad. I feel frustrated, tired and worn down  by the constant pain, fainting, dislocations, drug side effects, losing my independence, the uncertainty of how I will be from hour to hour and struggling to make plans. Something I really struggle with is the fatigue and the subsequent guilt at needing to rest. On a beautiful day I can’t stand not being to jump up and just go for a walk in the park.

Some days I feel like I am constantly saying sorry for needing help to have a shower, for fainting, for being unable to cook, for being pushed in the wheelchair, even for not being able to lift the iron.

I try not to think too hard about the future for me – on bad days I can’t think about living with the pain, particularly the chronic back and leg pain, for another week let alone another 40 years! Sounds dramatic but that is how it feels. I also know that there is very little that can be done for the extreme joint pain – I have been told I need shoulder and hip replacements, but that it isn’t possible because of the dislocations and I’m still too young.

I don’t want to “give in” to the illness any more than I have to. Sometimes this is easier said than done – and at times the future feels uncertain.

But I do tend to do what I can when I can and probably don’t pace. I want to keep as active as I can for as long as I can, but the severity of POTS symptoms this last 6 months has left me feeling really low and really ill. Hopefully the different consultants can sort me enough to get me back on an even keel – but the lack of “shared” care is frustrating; repeating the same story over and over, no one knowing what other specialities are doing!

What does worry me for the future is the kids – the younger two anyway. The 18 year old has bad and frequent migraines, with neck pain, hand and arm pain. The youngest is now subluxating and dislocating, has daily pain in joints, can’t hold a pen in a normal grip, writes slowly and has pain. All 3 are dizzy on standing and lose vision – and all three are overly anxious. Two have had counselling, one self harms, one is on anti depressants, we are well acquainted with CAMHS!

I do accept that hardly anyone will have heard of EDS and have got used to suggestions of having collagen injections but what is tougher is the lack of understanding about what chronic illness means. No, I won’t get better. It is genetic so no there is no cure, not even for the kids! I feel that I have to justify myself for being tired, cancelling plans, etc. I hate having to ask for help and would love it if friends would just remember that I can no longer drive and offer a lift without me having to ask. Some people can’t understand why I use a wheelchair when I can stand and walk – pain is invisible, as are the implants in my back, and damage to my joints, but these are what making standing up and walking a near impossibility some days. I feel that other people’s lives are so busy and that I should be fitting in with them, after all I’m at home all day.

It is frustrating when I’m told how well I look and this happens when I’ve put on some lippie and blusher.

You don’t see me at my worst because I can’t actually get out of the house then! But I would probably rather people think I’m putting best foot forward and being positive – chronic illness doesn’t stop you wanting to look good, go out, have a laugh; even if you can’t always actually do this.”

 A big thank you to Claire for taking part in Friday Feelings and being so open with us. Can you relate to Claire? Do you feel guilty not being able to perform certain tasks? Let us know in the comments below!

 Want to write your own Friday Feeling entry?

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A high res photo

A short paragraph about yourself

What illnesses you have

Your diary entry with the following topics in it:

It’s Friday, many people will go out tonight for a few sociable drinks with their friends. What do you do on a typical Friday night?
How are you feeling at this moment about your chronic illness?
How do you feel about the future in regards to your illness?
How do you feel about the way people view your illness?

and links to your blog and social media to evienevin87@yahoo.ie

Be sure to put “Friday Feelings” in the subject bar.

Until Sunday,

Z.M

x

 

Friday Feelings with Hospital Princess

Hey there, hi there, ho there! Apologies for the radio silence and the delay in posting this week’s Friday Feelings guest post. I’ve had a crazy few weeks which I will explain in due course.

As it is Ehlers Danlos Syndrome Awareness Month, during the course of May, we will be reading the diary entries of EDS sufferers. Each person experiences their illness differently and I think it will be interesting to see these differences throughout the month.

This week I spoke to Cheyenne from Hospital Princess. The 20-year-old is currently studying in college. Her goal is to become a Christian counsellor and to specialise in chronic and terminal illnesses. Cheyenne suffers from Hypermobile Ehlers Danlos Syndrome, Mast Cell Activation Disorder, Dysautonomia and Gastroparesis. You can find Cheyenne on Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, YouTube and even on Etsy!

Cheyanne

“My name is Cheyanne. I am 20 years old. South Carolina is my is currently home; however, my heart is native to sunny Florida. I am blessedto do life with my family, wonderful partner of four years, and my red-headed smushed faced cat named Weasley. I am a college student at North Greenville University. 

Chances are, I always have a book or Kindle in my hands. Vegan baking for others, despite being tube fed unable to eat, is another enjoyablepastime. Similar to most, social media, binge watching Netflix or Hulu, and technology all consume a large chunk of my leisure time. And I recently transformed my grandma-like hobbies of knitting and sewing into a mini Etsy business selling handmade items.”

So now that we know a little about Cheyanne, let’s have a read of her Friday Feelings entry.

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“Dear Diary,

It’s Friday, many people will go out tonight for a few sociable drinks with their friends. My weekend with chronic illness involves the total opposite of the drunken, wild parties usually experienced by other college twenty-somethings. Alcohol via a J tube is never a practical idea. Instead, my Friday nights are spent with family and close friends playing board games, chatting, binge watching Netflix, or even the odd spur of the moment road trip.

I feel kind of defeated in terms of my illness. Treatment is limited. Since I am already relying on last resort options like tube feedings, TPN (IV Nutrition), and a continuous infusion of IV Benadryl for Mast Cell Disease, it is as if I am perpetually trapped in the ‘what do I do now’ stage. There is hope for better days ahead though.

The future is obscure, clouded with the unknowns of chronic illness.

I have no clue what the future holds, nor will I try to pretend that I do. Any conceivable plan I have had for the future has not resulted in the outcome I ever expected. Overall, I am thankful for each day I have left to continue to pursue God’s will for my life.

Outsiders inevitably have a different perspective towards my illness. The diagnoses are tremendously misunderstood.

Because they are mostly ‘invisible’ illnesses, people neglect to consider how widespread the symptoms actually are.

Only awareness can reduce the stigma and make others recognize the seriousness of Ehlers Danlos Syndrome, Mast Cell Disease, and the remaining comorbid conditions.”

A big thank you to Cheyenne for taking part in our Friday Feelings blog.

 Want to write your own Friday Feeling entry?

Send

A high res photo

A short paragraph about yourself

What illnesses you have

Your diary entry with the following topics in it:

It’s Friday, many people will go out tonight for a few sociable drinks with their friends. What do you do on a typical Friday night?
How are you feeling at this moment about your chronic illness?
How do you feel about the future in regards to your illness?
How do you feel about the way people view your illness?

and links to your blog and social media to evienevin87@yahoo.ie

Be sure to put “Friday Feelings” in the subject bar.

Until tomorrow,

Z.M

x

Friday Feelings- Living with ME

Hey there, hi there, ho there!

This week I spoke to Amy from Living with ME. Amy is a university student studying English and Linguistics. Amy suffers from Myalgic Encephalomyelitis (M.E.)/Chronic Fatigue Syndrome (CFS). You can find Amy on Twitter, Facebook, Instagram and Pinterest.

Amy

Hello! I’m Amy Saunders and I have a blog called Living with ME which is basically a lifestyle blog, focusing on chronic illness. I have ME/CFS, (chronic fatigue syndrome) and potentially an underactive thyroid as well. I am a student at university, studying English Language and Linguistics, and in my spare time (when I’m not sleeping/resting!) I love reading, singing, and writing!

So now we know a little about Amy, let’s have a read of her Friday Feelings entry

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“Dear Diary

For the past few weeks, my Friday night has been spent being in bed by 8pm, with a hot water bottle and a big soaps catch up. Usually after a busy week, I am ready to collapse and I use my Friday nights to rest and unwind from a chaotic week, and I usually love doing that. It’s time that I get to myself to do what I want to do, whether that be watching my favourite TV show, doing some blogging, or just reading a book. Occasionally, if I’ve had a quieter week, I might go out for a few drinks with friends, or a meal, but on the whole, I’m usually in bed, and that’s just the way I like it.

I’m currently recovering from a bit of a flare up from my illness which hit me in March, along with a side of anxiety and a bit of depression, so time to myself is so special to me, and so important for my health.

I am comfortable enough with my illness to know my limits, but whenever a flare up arrives, it is bound to hit you hard, no matter how bad the flare is.

March was a bad month, and that’s never going to change, but what is important is that I persevered and I got through it. It’s now time for me to reflect and look back at it and work out if there was a trigger, something that caused it, so I can learn from it and prepare for the future.

I don’t know what’s going to happen in the future. Will I get better? Will I get worse? Or will I just stay the same?

I have all these big life decisions that I have to start making over the next year or so, and to be quite honest, I don’t have a clue what I’m going to do.

It’s hard to try and explain this to people. I’m at university, so naturally people are always asking me what I want to do once I’ve finished. My gut tells me to be honest and say ‘I don’t know’, but my head tells me to lie and say ‘Oh I want to be a teacher’. I mean, that is the truth isn’t it? I do want to be a teacher. I know it’s not realistic and it most likely won’t happen, but it is the truth, right?

I don’t expect anyone to understand what it feels like to live with a chronic illness at 21 years old, but it would be nice from them to try.

But for now, I live for the present moment. I try not to think about the future, and the big decisions that I’m going to have to face soon. I’m very grateful for the life that I have, and for the family and friends, and wonderful boyfriend that I have. That is what is important, and that is enough for me.”

A big thank you to Amy for taking part in our Friday Feelings blog.

I really hope that she will be able to achieve her dream of becoming a teacher. I can totally relate to her story. How about you? Do you relate to Amy’s diary entry? Have you any advice for her about making big decisions while dealing with a chronic illness? Let us know in the comments.

Want to write your own Friday Feeling entry?

Send

A high res photo

A short paragraph about yourself

What illnesses you have

Your diary entry with the following topics in it:

It’s Friday, many people will go out tonight for a few sociable drinks with their friends. What do you do on a typical Friday night?
How are you feeling at this moment about your chronic illness?
How do you feel about the future in regards to your illness?
How do you feel about the way people view your illness?

and links to your blog and social media to evienevin87@yahoo.ie

Be sure to put “Friday Feelings” in the subject bar.

Sunday’s blog will be published tomorrow as we are heading to London for treatment on Sunday.

Until then,

Z.M

x

Friday Feelings with Xo, Faith

Hey there, hi there, ho there!

This week I spoke to Danielle from Xo, Faith. Danielle is SEO Manager and Freelance writer. She suffers from Sphincter of Oddi Dysfunction, this rare disorder can cause chronic pancreatitis. You can find Danielle on Twitter, Facebook and Instagram.

Danielle

“Yesterday is history; tomorrow is a mystery, and today is a gift, that is why it is called the present,” is my favorite quote of all time.

My name is Danielle Faith, and I run a peer to peer support magazine that aims to help those struggling with chronic pain, chronic illness, substance abuse and mental illness.

Being ill has been my inspiration to build and start my website. I make a huge point to note that my illness does not define me. I am a daughter, friend, blogger, social butterfly, dog lover, hard worker, college graduate, and so much more than my illness.

So now we know a little about Danielle, let’s have a read of her Friday Feelings entry

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“Dear Diary,

While most people my age might grab drinks and dinner after work on Friday night, chances are I’m curled up under some warm blankets and heating pads that night watching the nightly news and browsing the internet. It doesn’t bother me; I enjoy what I do on Friday evening. It’s a nice way to unwind without worrying about my body or having to put myself under the microscope and go out.

“I’ve become comfortable with my illness. I know it well.”

I know when I can handle it at home, I need more medication and most importantly, I know when I need to go down to the dreaded emergency room. Currently, I’m averaging a monthly hospital visit and every three months I require a hospitalization. As bad as that sounds, it’s hard to imagine it once was a lot worse. It used to be that I was going weekly to the Emergency Room with hospitalisations every month.

As I progress, I have hopes and dreams. I want to go to school to study psychology, and I want to keep working on decreasing my hospital visits. I have a lot of supportive friends and family, and I want to find ways to give back to them to show them, that they’re important to me too.

I am fortunate that my friends and family view my illness in a positive manner. I can always rely on my family and friends to do right by me and for me that says a lot.

Today, I just want to live in the moment and not worry about the past or future.

I try hard to do this as much as possible. I’m in a ton of pain a lot of the time, but my friends, family, and dog, make it all better.”

A big thank you to Danielle for taking part in Friday Feelings blog.

I really enjoyed reading her diary entry and seeing her so positive. How about you? Do you relate to Danielle or feel inspired by her post? Let us know in the comments.

Want to write your own Friday Feeling entry?

Send

A high res photo

A short paragraph about yourself

What illnesses you have

Your diary entry with the following topics in it:

It’s Friday, many people will go out tonight for a few sociable drinks with their friends. What do you do on a typical Friday night?
How are you feeling at this moment about your chronic illness?
How do you feel about the future in regards to your illness?
How do you feel about the way people view your illness?

and links to your blog and social media to evienevin87@yahoo.ie

Be sure to put “Friday Feelings” in the subject bar.

Until Sunday,

Z.M

x

Friday Feelings with The Zebra Mom

Hey there, hi there, ho there,

This week I didn’t have any guest post submitted so, I decided to do a Friday Feelings post myself.

Usually I explain what my guests suffer from and a they tell us a little about themselves but I’m sure anyone who follows my blog is well aware of my conditions and the things I am passionate about. I will take the oppurtunity to plug my social medias though :p You can find me on Facebook, Twitter, Pinterest, Instagram and Snapchat (see the snap code in the header)

evie blog

So we will just dive straight into this week’s Friday Feelings post

 

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“Dear Diary,

It’s Friday and for once, I’ve had an excellent night’s sleep and I’m feeling relatively OK. Usually I wake with something wrong but luckily, I have no more pain that the usual aches. I am so happy that I’m feeling well as can be since I am celebrating my 30th birthday tonight with family and friends. It is not often I get to socialise and get dressed up so when it does happen I appreciate it so much. I’ll probably run low on spoons after I finish getting myself ready but I am hoping the adrenaline will kick in and help me enjoy my night. I also have to be weary of certain lighting in pubs as my sensory issues can cause havoc when I do get the chance to go out. My typical Friday nights are usually much more boring. I sit at home and spend my time watching the Gilmore Girls or socialise on Facebook.

Even though I feel OK right now the last few weeks my EDS and Dysautonomia has been acting up a good bit forcing me to use my wheelchair. I hate using it, it makes me feel very self-conscious but I know I would be much worse off if I didn’t use it. Yesterday we went into the city to take our little boy shopping for new party clothes and if I didn’t have my chair, I wouldn’t have been able to enjoy our time. It’s a frustrating time for us at the moment as we are currently fundraising to get back to London for treatment. This 5-night trip is costing us 5,000 Euro. Luckily I have some really good friends and family who helped us raise 765 Euro a couple of days ago at our coffee morning. We couldn’t believe that that amount was raised in just a couple of hours! The community really came together to support us. I was truly blown away.

The future is uncertain but I am hopeful that getting treatment in London will give the children and me a fighting chance at some normality. I am having Autonomic tests in London to find out exactly which type of Dysautonomia I have. Here in Ireland I have been diagnosed with Orthostatic Intolerance and Vasovagal Syncope but the experts in London believe I have Postural Orthostatic Tachycardia Syndrome (PoTS). They believe Alexander also has PoTS but luckily he isn’t greatly affected. I also see symptoms in Olivia too.

I think as time goes on, people are understanding our conditions better and know that they are invisible illnesses and that some days I need my wheelchair and some days I don’t. I think the fact that we have had to go to the UK and fundraise thousands made people realise the severity of our conditions. It’s a shame that it has had to come down to this but I am content that those nearest and dearest to us take things seriously. I have had negative experiences with the way people has viewed EDS before. One doctor said that people with EDS didn’t suffer from chronic pain (I know, I know) and that I more likely had Fibromyalgia. Now, many experts do believe that most people diagnosed with Fibro have actually been misdiagnosed and that they actually have some form of Connective Tissue Disorder. I told her this and she was most unimpressed to be challenged. Pregnant and wheelchair bound, I left that appointment in tears in pure anger and frustration. A Rheumatologist diagnosed me with hEDS at that point but I saw another one to confirm the diagnosis because I felt the private consultant’s diagnosis wasn’t being taken seriously. I had the diagnosis confirmed by two experts in London so I am pretty confident hEDS is the right fit but I am going to have genetic testing just to be sure as I do fit a couple of the types of EDS too. I think anyone diagnosed with hEDS should have genetic testing to rule out other types and other Connective Tissue Disorders. If the tests come back clear, I’ll be happy sticking with the hEDS diagnosis.

Anyway, better start getting ready for my hair appointment and party. Wish me luck that my EDS or Dysautonomia doesn’t kick off!”

Want to write your own Friday Feeling entry?

Send

A high res photo

A short paragraph about yourself

What illnesses you have

Your diary entry with the following topics in it:

It’s Friday, many people will go out tonight for a few sociable drinks with their friends. What do you do on a typical Friday night?
How are you feeling at this moment about your chronic illness?
How do you feel about the future in regards to your illness?
How do you feel about the way people view your illness?

and links to your blog and social media to evienevin87@yahoo.ie

Be sure to put “Friday Feelings” in the subject bar.

Till Sunday,

Z.M

x

 

 

 

 

Friday Feelings with Irish Dysautonomia Awareness

Hey there, hi there, ho there!

This week I spoke to Lette from Irish Dysautonomia Awareness. Lette suffers from Hypermobile Ehlers Danlos Syndrome (hEDS) , Postural Orthostatic Tachycardia Syndrome (POTS) , Sphincter of Oddi Dysfunction (SOD), Neurogenic Bladder Dysfunction and Gut Dysmotility, to name but a few of her conditions. You can find Lette on Twitter, Facebook and Instagram.

Lette
Lette and her baby, Boo.

Hi I’m Lette. When I’m am able for it I love to play retro video games, photography, drawing, craft, listen to music. I like to internet hop and watch shows like Game of Thrones, The Walking Dead, The Expanse and Black Sails with my wonderful husband and our little dog Boo.

So now we know a little about Lette, let’s have a read of her Friday Feelings entry.

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“Dear Diary…

It’s another Friday, they have begun to all feel the same these days, days melting into weeks, melting into months that float by me at high speed and I still seem to be stuck here in my bed, in a dark room, feeling putrid!

Motivation seems to have upped and all but disappeared. I think of all the things I have achieved throughout my life before I got very sick and everything went downhill in 2011. I got my art degree, my Masters of science, worked as a fitness instructor, (can you imagine?) as a wedding and events photographer and videographer, as a teacher in adult education and as a lecturer in third level. That was just education and work, when I had the proper use of my legs and body, my husband and I used to just love going hiking through the wild woods and lakes of Killarney with the dog and cameras in toe, I loved to drive and cycle and swim and walk aimlessly through fields for hours with the camera just because I could and I felt immense joy in looking back at and sometimes editing the photos and the memories I had captured while out.

I used to love drawing, animals especially and now it has been so long since I lost myself in any art. I forget what it’s like and I miss it but the energy is never there in recent times for me to act on that longing.

I don’t do any of these things anymore, I find I am spending more and more time in bed as I am just not capable, the majority of the time, of being upright. Either I am in severe pain with my gut issues or severe pain in my hips and shoulder joints, or the worst pain at the moment is coming from the back of my head / base of my skull / top of my neck pain which causes white blinding headaches where I can do nothing but lie in a dark room and moan. No phone, no laptop, no reading, no entertainment. Just darkness and constant pain and nausea or POTS issues where my blood pressure is so low I can hardly turn over in the bed. It wears you down.

The only time I get out these days is not to visit friends or family like I used to regularly do, but instead to go to hospital and consultant appointments and even then I have to reschedule many because I am too ill to go!

I’m getting gloomy but I don’t mean to be, because something different happened yesterday. I had to update the house insurance! What? Bear with me! Honestly, it gave me a sense of purpose, for all of those 15 or so minutes I had something, relatively important, to do and it felt good!

This morning I helped make the breakfast with the husband, put laundry washing on, picked up the Nintendo DS for the first time in ages and played Earthbound and I even had a shower. This may sound utterly silly, but to me, these are huge achievements! The shower is a funny one, I actually have to way up my energy for the day against the effort of a shower and believe me, I may not have the energy for days. It can get a tad funkay in fairness!

So while many friends of mine will be going out on the town later tonight or this weekend and I know a few others who are jetting off on a few days holidays in Europe, all I can achieve is having a freshly washed dressing gown, a nice shower, fresh fluffy socks and a hot cup of tea! Where once I would have drowned my sorrows in that cup of tea, tonight I am smiling because I know its ‘the little things’ that should and do count the most.

I have so much to be happy for. My wonderful husband, our amazing dog, my loving family and friends, the generosity of strangers who have helped with my medical fund, a relatively successful blog and related social media links, my talents have gotten rusty but I can get them back if I just try even one new thing every day.

Anyone can achieve anything if they just try and thats alright with me!”

A big thank you to Lette for taking part in our Friday Feelings blog.

Do you relate to Lette’s entry? Do you find joy in achieving what most people would take for granted in being able to do? Comment below and let us know what you thought of Lette’s entry.

Want to write your own Friday Feeling entry?

Send

A high res photo

A short paragraph about yourself

What illnesses you have

Your diary entry with the following topics in it:

It’s Friday, many people will go out tonight for a few sociable drinks with their friends. What do you do on a typical Friday night?
How are you feeling at this moment about your chronic illness?
How do you feel about the future in regards to your illness?
How do you feel about the way people view your illness?

and links to your blog and social media to evienevin87@yahoo.ie

Be sure to put “Friday Feelings” in the subject bar.

So until Sunday

Z.M

x

 

 

Friday Feelings with Living With POTS

Hey there, hi there, ho there!

This week I spoke to Caroline from Living with PoTS . Caroline suffers from Postural Orthostatic Tachycardia Syndrome (PoTS). PoTS is a debilitating type of Dysautonomia and is often found in people with Ehlers Danlos Syndrome. You can find Caroline on Twitter.

caroline

 

I’m Caroline, I’m a final year Uni student in Yorkshire, studying Psychology and Education. I love reading, especially Harry Potter, baking and crafting, and my dream is to live abroad and work with disadvantaged children.
I’m relatively new to both the chronic illness and blogging communities, having suffered with PoTS like symptoms all my life, but only just figuring out what it is. I’ve been amazed by how supportive everyone is.

So now that we know a little about Caroline, let’s look at her Friday Feelings entry.

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“Dear diary,

Friday night again, well 4pm. I’m in bed, exhausted from the week. Tonight is worse than most, Friday is food shop day, and dragging a week’s worth of stuff back on the bus means the pain is worse than usual. Later my flatmates will be going out, I’ll be lying in bed trying to sleep, constantly being woken up by them. Eventually I’ll probably give up and turn my laptop on. If it’s been a bad week, I’ll stick a DVD on, if it’s been a better week I might try get through some of the mountain of work I’ve been avoiding.

Right now I’m still getting used to my chronic illness. I’ve been suffering for years, but always just assumed I was lazy, or hadn’t eaten enough, or a million and one other excuses. Although having a reason is a relief, it’s scary. It’s here to stay and I need to learn to live with it. I’m sure one day I’ll know where I stand with it, I’ll have a diagnosis and a symptom management plan, and I’ll feel more in control, but that day is not yet.

The future is overwhelming. In July I’ll graduate, and have to enter the real world. I’ve always known what I wanted to do, I never even considered that I might be too ill to do it. So right now it’s back to the drawing board, desperately searching for a job I can do, without having to move away from the doctors I’ve only just met, who will be supportive of my illness. My degree has 3 contact hours a week, so I have no idea how I’ll cope with work, I don’t even know how I’ll cope making tea tonight, or having a shower. Long term planning is nothing short of impossible.

I wish people would stop telling me to be positive. I am positive. I’m also realistic. When I say this illness isn’t going away, it’s not. That’s a chronic condition. When I say it limits what I can do, it does. That doesn’t mean I’m not ambitious. I will find a job and a life that I love, it just won’t be what I was planning, but that’s okay. My condition is part of me, it does not define me.”

A big thank you to Caroline for reaching out to take part in our Friday Feelings blog.

Do you relate to Caroline’s entry? Do you constantly hear that you should be more positive from those around you? How do you deal with it? Comment below to offer some advice to this new Spoonie.

Want to write your own Friday Feeling entry?

Send

A high res photo

A short paragraph about yourself

What illnesses you have

Your diary entry with the following topics in it:

It’s Friday, many people will go out tonight for a few sociable drinks with their friends. What do you do on a typical Friday night?
How are you feeling at this moment about your chronic illness?
How do you feel about the future in regards to your illness?
How do you feel about the way people view your illness?

and links to your blog and social media to evienevin87@yahoo.ie

Be sure to put “Friday Feelings” in the subject bar.

So until Sunday (I know, I know I said I’d have it up during the week),

Z.M

x

 

 

Friday Feelings with A Chronic Voice

Hey there, hi there, ho there!

Sorry we are late to the party this week. I’ll explain in my post tomorrow why I am late.

Anyway, this week I spoke to Sheryl from A Chronic Voice. Sheryl suffers from antiphospholipid syndrome (a blood clotting disorder), Lupus (SLE), Sjögren’s Syndrome, Epilepsy, PSVT (a heart rhythm disorder), a repaired mitral valve, osteoporosis from long term steroids, and couple more illnesses. You can find Sheryl on Facebook, Twitter and Instagram.

My name is Sheryl and I’m from Singapore, a sunny island in Southeast Asia. Writing and travelling are my two biggest passions in life (I know, cliché, but it’s true ;)). Other hobbies I’ve been dabbling with of late include flower arrangement and learning French.

I used to work in an ad agency as a frontend web developer, but had to quit as the stress was literally killing me (needed blood transfusions). I am still trying to find ways to balance my health while earning a living. I feel very fortunate to have such supportive loved ones.

I blog over at A Chronic Voice and Journey Jot (albeit much neglected). I am trying to find ways to merge the two 🙂

So now that we know a little about Sheryl, let’s look at her Friday Feelings entry.

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“Dear Diary,

It’s Friday and most people are out partying the night away. I am perfectly content that I’m at home, having a normal home-cooked meal or pizza with my partner, watching a movie. Sometimes we go for a spontaneous walk or outing. We do make an effort to dress up and go out once a month however, either for a dinner date, or to meet some new people. I feel that this is important even though I’d rather stay in, because I do not want to lose touch with the world. It’s so easy to become trapped in our own without even realising it, which creates tunnel visions and narrow minds.

Right now, I’m not in that much pain, so I’m all chummy with it. I think to myself, ‘oh, there’s plenty I can learn from pain.’ I’ll probably change my stance when it comes back with a sadistic grin…which should be soon as I have a surgery scheduled on Monday 😉

There is no future with chronic illness. To clarify, I don’t even know what’s up for tomorrow. I will have a rough idea only when I open my eyes in the morning. There is an underlying worry, for sure. I think to myself, ‘I am already so weak physically and unstable financially now. What more in 20 years time, when we all become naturally less resilient?’

Then again, I don’t feel as miserable as I used to anymore. I have come to realise that it is ridiculous to compare myself to the rest of society. Put it this way – if chronic illness and being in pain was the norm, how would the average person behave? From that perspective, I think I’m doing okay. My loved ones always say to me, ‘take it one day at a time, that’s all you can do’. And I think it’s getting drilled into my head pretty good.

Since I’ve become active on Facebook with my blog (I never really posted much before that), I think people have become more sensitive when they are around me. This is both a good and bad thing. While they are more compassionate, there is also a vibe of walking on eggshells, which I don’t like.

Strangers on the other hand are quick to judge anything invisible; I do that myself. But surprisingly, there are those with chronic illnesses who judge you harsher than society. Almost as if they have become so bitter and so engrossed with their illness, that they claim ‘ownership’ over it. And that’s risky behaviour which I hope I never sink too deeply into.

Thank you for taking the time to read my diary entry, and wishing you a fabulous week ahead!”

A big thank you to Sheryl for taking part in Friday Feelings despite having to prep for surgery tomorrow!

Can you relate to Sheryl’s entry? Do you find people walk around on eggshells around you or have you noticed competitiveness in chronic illness circles? You can comment below and let us know your thoughts. You can also follow Sheryl on Pinterest and Google+

Want to write your own Friday Feeling entry?

Send

A high res photo

A short paragraph about yourself

What illnesses you have

Your diary entry with the following topics in it:

It’s Friday, many people will go out tonight for a few sociable drinks with their friends. What do you do on a typical Friday night?
How are you feeling at this moment about your chronic illness?
How do you feel about the future in regards to your illness?
How do you feel about the way people view your illness?

and links to your blog and social media to evienevin87@yahoo.ie

Be sure to put “Friday Feelings” in the subject bar.

So until tomorrow,

Z.M

x

 

Friday Feelings with Ecofluffy Mama

Hey there, hi there, ho there!

It’s Friday and you know what that means? It’s our first Friday Feeling entry! I had this idea after my interview with A Southern Celiac, writing down my thoughts about certain aspects of my illness was therapeutic in a way. So I thought why not give other chronically ill people an opportunity to get things off their chests. Writing things down can help us work through our feelings and I hope that other chronic illness sufferers will comment in support or offer some advice for each of the entries we will have for the next few months. Why Friday? Because Friday is the beginning of the weekend. Some of us may be well enough to go out and socialise with friends but for so many of us that life of going out on a Friday night to a bar or a club is long gone. The weekend for normal people is an opportunity to let off some steam but for the chronically ill it means having more help at home and grieving for the lives they once had, looking at selfies of friends on their great night out on the tiles.

So, this week I spoke to Tamsin aka Ecofluffy Mama. Tamsin suffers from multiple chronic conditions including Pancreatic Agenisis. You can find Tamsin on Facebook, Instagram and Twitter. You might already know the EcoFluffy Mama but if not, let’s get to know her a little better before we begin:

Hello there, my name is Tamsin! My blog is a Green Living Blog and I mostly write about reusable/eco friendly products.

I live in the countryside (in the UK) with my Fiance and small boy. I’m 29 years old, but still a big kid a heart. In my spare time I enjoy going for walks with my family and watching Stargate SG1. I love to spend hours in books shops. My hobbies include photography, crochet and soap making.

As you’ve already guessed, I’m extremely passionate about ditching disposable items and a huge advocate for Reusable Menstrual Products. My aim is to spread the word and educate everyone on the importance of: Reusable Products and living a Green Lifestyle.

So now we know a little a bit about the Ecofluffy Mama, let’s have a look at her entry for our first ever Friday Feeling.

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“Dear Diary,

It’s Friday night and I’m feeling really quite down. Many people look forward to Friday because it’s the end of the week. They get to switch off, go out for a few drinks and unwind with their friends. Not me, though. There’s nothing special about my my Friday night. Not unless you count the fact I am relieved my partner has finished work for the week, so I now have him home to help support me.

Right now I feel really down about how my health is. I guess I always expected things to improve after my sudden decline in 2014. I remember constantly getting back up after admissions, trying to work out again and be ‘normal’. But it just never happened and I feel really sad about that. I looked back at a post the other day where I said I wasn’t going to let my illnesses define or rule my life. And yet, they have. I feel so helpless and alone, even though my fiance and son are always there.

I’m trying to keep my chin up for what the future might bring. My Doctor is amazing and he’s helped me so much already. But I do worry that we’ll get to the stage where yet again, we meet a roadblock. I should be thankful really. He’s done so much for me in the past year than my other teams elsewhere did for me in two years.

I’ve noticed people treat me differently, and it’s gotten worse. At the start everyone was so kind and supportive to me. One of my close friends supported me so much, including looking after J when I was in hospital. Didn’t take long before she binned me, always making excuses for not seeing me. Am I really that much of a burden? Some have said to me that I shouldn’t feel bad, that those people were never my friends. But I am starting to wonder if that’s true, or if it’s because they find me too much work with accomodating my needs? Some people look at me and question the authenticity of being ill, because I look okay. Well, to a degree. Not sure how yellow eyes looks okay but clearly that doesn’t matter to them.

Friends on Facebook always used to message or comment when they saw I was in hospital. But, not anymore. It’s almost like they’re bored? Perhaps they only bothered at first because they wanted all of the ‘gossip’ on what was going on. It really does hurt my heart.

My illnesses have isolated me so much. I’d love to be out tonight, socialising with my friends. But instead I’m in bed taking my cocktail of pills before turning the lights out.”

A big thank you to Tamsin for being the first participant of Friday Feelings. Always lovely to connect with other like minded moms.

Have you any words of kindness or wisdom for Ecofluffy Mama? I’m sure most of us can relate to the issue with losing friends to our illnesses. Send her some love in the comments below ❤ You can also follow Tamsin on Pinterest and YouTube.

Want to write your own Friday Feeling entry?

Send

A high res photo

A short paragraph about yourself

What illnesses you have

Your diary entry with the following topics in it:

It’s Friday, many people will go out tonight for a few sociable drinks with their friends. What do you do on a typical Friday night?
How are you feeling at this moment about your chronic illness?
How do you feel about the future in regards to your illness?
How do you feel about the way people view your illness?

and links to your blog and social media to evienevin87@yahoo.ie

Be sure to put “Friday Feelings” in the subject bar

The usual Sunday post will be up as per usual!

So till then,

Z.M

x